VanillaLingLing

Cloth Diapering During Coronavirus

Hey everyone. I really wanted to make a post that was down and to the point about my best cloth diaper tips. I made a post already about my wash routine but this is more about what I suggest as we face scarcity. These tips may also be helpful to a busy mom and dad that do not have a ton of time to do laundry and stuff pocket diapers.

First of all, I mostly use pocket diapers, they are the ones that I have the most of so it just makes sense. But as the panic set in and people started buying up all of the baby supplies, among everything else, I figured we all need to find ways to consume less. I will not be buying more diapers until things go back to normal. As I mentioned in my original cloth diapering post, I use disposables at night and to go in public. But I am not going to do that anymore. Once I run out of wipes, I will use wash cloths. Once my almost 3 year old runs out of Goodnights, we’re done. Wish me luck.

So knowing what I know now, this is what I would try to find and buy right now.

Cover Diapers (one size)
Inserts
Flour Sack Towels
Newborn Sized Cloth Diapers (if you are about to have a baby or have a teeny newborn already)

Cover Diapers. These are not the same as pocket diapers. These diapers are waterproof, they do not have the inner liner; so you just lay the insert or flour sack towel folded up like an insert into the diaper and snap it on. I would suggest these because these ones are not one time use. It may sound icky but if the baby only pees in it, you can wipe it out a little bit and hang it over your changing table. Use a fresh one after that. Then next diaper change it should be dried out and ready for use again. Without poops that will mean possibly 2-3 diapers could possibly last you all day long. (Experiences will vary, haha.) The reason you can’t do this with pocket diapers is because the liner will get icky and you just can’t wipe that out.

Two inserts placed inside a waterproof cover.

Drying Out! (Changing table is second hand so it’s a little scuffy.)

Inserts and flour sack towels I will explain together. So, the diaper picture above has 2 inserts in it. I have never been able to get away with less than 2 inserts. Maybe my kids pee a lot. But I am just thinking all kids pee a lot. A tip for easily stainable baby poops is to put a charcoal bamboo insert on top of the white, (if you have both), because then if there is any staining, you wont be able to see it. With the flour sack towels, you can buy them at a farm supply store and Target for sure, because that is where I got all of mine. But if they are at those places, I am willing to bet you can get them other places that are similar. Important to know, you can use both inserts and flour sack towels for your period and after birth bleeding too. You have to get used to it, but if you gotta do what you gotta do then it’s a solution. I suggest rinsing them right away or soaking them and squeezing em out periodically until they are almost white again. That is just what I do though.

Flour Sack Towel, there is many ways that people fold these and I actually fold them up a bit smaller than this but this is how I was storing it.

This is the insert that is under the charcoal bamboo one above.

Okay, lastly I would possibly get newborn sized diapers if I was about to have a baby. I have never used them because I always expected my kids to be gigantic. My son was gigantic but he was still swallowed up by the cloth diapers. Newborns are just so little, so I would use disposables for about the first one or two months while I got used to the new babies and until they actually fit them. I am going to add a picture of my baby in the diaper at 9 months old. The diaper still has so much growing room and my baby was almost 20 pounds in this picture, I think. Something like that.

This is a 9 month old and I have barely had to loosed the snaps.

This is as small as it will get compared to the size of my hand. Can seem so bulky on a tiny baby. This is one size.

In this time where we are facing empty shelves, these are the things that I would wish to be told if I had no idea what to do. I am full of cloth diapering knowledge through trial and error and worry. I don’t sweat it anymore and I am hoping that I can help you to feel a little more informed. Just an FYI all cloth diapers are good and these tips may not work for you. I don’t have anything bad to say about any type of diaper so by all means try any type you want to!

If you have any questions please ask. If you liked this you can give me a like if you like. But it’s not necessary, I just want to spread the word so that those that can use cloth in this time will feel a little easier about it so that those who can’t will be able to find diapers on the shelves.

Much love to everyone.

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling

::My Eating Path

About this time 2 years ago I had a diet revolution! My son was about 0.75 years old and I saw things about factory farming on Pinterest that shook me, so I decided to go vegan. I tried that and it didn’t seem sustainable for me so I did my best to just stay vegetarian and still not eat tons of dairy. I ended up getting in the best shape of my whole life. I was working out as well, but they say weight loss starts in the kitchen right?

So now I am going a similar route. I am not going vegetarian at the moment but am limiting my animal intake to fish at the moment. Later on I am not opposed to bringing birds into the mix, such as chicken or turkey. But my ultimate goal is to be able to raise them myself. Kind of funny that now my daughter is 0.75 years old and I am almost at the same place, just with 2 kids and some extra knowledge and slightly different view points.

On the moral aspect, here is how I look at it. Cows and pigs intelligence can be equated if not far exceeding to dogs intelligence. I have not done a lot of research into it, but a quick google search will tell you that they are smart. They know whats going on. So when I eat the meat and actually think about the being that I am eating, it doesn’t sit right with me when it is an animal that I could see myself loving like a dog. If I can’t look the animal in the eye and think to myself, ‘I would eat you’; then I don’t feel comfortable ignoring who is on my plate anymore.

I already have had chickens and pheasants, I have 2 chickens right now, and I just don’t see an intelligence level on par with an animal like a dog or cow or pig, I can look at them and think of them as food. As of right now, my abstinence from eating birds is because I think it will help me to reach my goals cutting them out. I tend to over eat and less options are better with me sometimes.

So now that we got past the meat, other things I include in my diet is eggs and dairy. Like I said, I have chickens. I don’t see the harm in taking an egg and eating it. They literally do not care. Now a broody hen might care, but I have never had a broody hen and actually wish to have one. I would love to watch a chicken go through motherhood, might change my opinion on things. But I really don’t think so. Dairy is something that I want to cut down on for sure. I love the taste of dairy products but I don’t find their processes ethical. I wish I could have my own little farm with ethically raised chickens and also ethically collected dairy.

For the rest of my diet, I am trying to incorporate a lot more fruits and vegetables. Kind of funny though, I just had a snack of a Green Giant Steamer for a snack and logged it into MyFitnessPal and it said there was an overload of sodium in it. Just can’t beat plain old fresh food, yet it is so hard to come by. I am going to start buying all of my frozen veggies plain for sure.

So one thing that I have stopped buying is all purpose flour. I really had no idea the lack of nutrients to it because I never thought about it before. But I am reading a book that is called Healing Children Naturally by Michael Savage and he goes into detail the difference of actual whole wheat flour and all purpose flour. It is crazy to think how we all are being kind of hoodwinked by the food industry. They want us blind to the atrocities against life of both animals and ours, and the planet for that matter.

On a different note, my husband is a hunter and I have absolutely no problem with it. He eats all of the meat still which is his choice and my kids can too if they choose to. I don’t judge others for their choices as I hope people won’t judge me for mine. At the end of the day, I don’t think that I can even lose weight without cutting out the meat because I haven’t been able to do so yet. We will have to just see where life takes us as we go along.

So my goal is to find out exactly what healthy is for me and also just checking out my moral compass. How do I really feel about so and so and such and such. Hopefully other people start to ask themselves the same questions because it feels good when most of what you do is done for a purpose, instead of being done on auto-pilot.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I really do appreciate when people like and follow so that I can see what kinds of things you enjoy reading. But even getting views feels cool!

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

::Back At It

So, where I am at is, I took about a month long break from trying to eat healthy and working out. Thankfully I did not gain any weight but I am pretty certain that I lost some muscle and gained some fat in the process. Somehow I must have been more active than previously because I have no idea how I didn’t gain EVERYTHING back. I just didn’t have it in me. Then the heavens seemed to open up, literally and figuratively; and I found my groove once again. So here is the tea on that.

First of all, we have a wonderful sledding hill. My 2.75 year old son tried it by himself and loved it. So I would end up walking down the hill and back up it, (to help him get the sled up) over and over and over again. Most of the time I would do this while my husband was at work, so I would have my .75 year old daughter in my arms. Not an easy feat. But it has gotten easier with repetition, as things do I have found out! That was just the start of us going outside. And I have to admit, the sun is amazing, the activity is amazing, and the sleepy, sleepy children by the end of the day is absolutely amazing!

Now that the heavens have opened up and is starting to melt all the snow we go out walking every day! My son loves to run around, sometimes he dresses up as Link from The Legend of Zelda and just has a ball! It is so cute and a dream come true for me, I love it. I am still carrying around my daughter the whole time, too. With a dog strapped around my waist. It has been so great for my mood and for less screen time. I can really feel that this is it, this is going to be the time where I make it all the way and stay there.

Another activity that makes me feel strong and also makes my job of carrying my daughter around the yard easier is that I bench press her. I try to get in 100 bench presses a day haha. Sometimes my boy gets lifted too. He is so tall already that it is much harder with him. But I do lift him with my feet like the old superman move and he loves it. I also fight him off while I do other body weight exercises which adds some resistance.

I am also all about a good book to help me through my challenges and I found one. I bought Carrie Underwood’s book called Find Your Path and I relate to a lot of what she has to say. She is very faith based, as am I. She has a good grasp on her ‘whys’. A lot of focus. And I feel like I am borrowing those things from her a little bit when I read it. Or even learning them from her. I think the book helped me to figure out my eating path, learn a fun way of doing structured workouts; but also how to stay active without working out. Just be active most of the day! I am only half way done with the book, too. So I am looking forward to finishing it.

All in all, things have just been looking up. I have been really getting out there and doing things that before caused me quite a bit of stress and anxiety. I take the kids to a couple of group outings, usually weekly. Walking around the yard used to be stressful, where now it is a stress buster! All while figuring out how to keep the house running smoothly and staying happy. I am excited for what is to come and I feel like I am winning, finally.

Thank you for reading! If you like my posts then please give me a like and/or a follow. I haven’t figured out the site completely yet, but I love going and checking out the posts from others. I look forward to posting more fun stuff.

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

::One of the Pains of Professional Mental Help

I started seeing my most recent psychotherapist in 2017. It was right at the end of the year so my first real appointment was in January 2018. I had pretty severe anxiety that made me believe that I was going to drop over dead any minute. It felt really brutal at the time.

But that is a subject for another time. Therapy really helped me leaps and bounds and now I am able to live life easier without my constant fears keeping me back. I still have a lot of the same fears, I just fight them tooth and nail until they are just a small interference. No, this post is not about all of the help I received even though I really did learn coping mechanisms and have a better outlook now.

This post is about the faint pain that I can feel at times. The last appointment that I went to was in November 2019 I believe. At that point, a lot of my appointments were about small trivial things and the big things weren’t bubbling up nearly as much. Then the holidays hit and I didn’t have any time for a new appointment, nor did I feel that I needed one. So no more appointments, no more emails, and no more interactions.

That’s great, right? So why do I feel so sad about it? A little betrayed even. My therapist had been one of my biggest supports and someone that I shared a lot of my experiences with. She was the only person within a 50 mile radius that I could have adult conversations with on a regular basis, (other than my husband). A part of me just looked forward to the comradery and friendship that I felt getting to speak to a female close to my own age for awhile.

Then just like that, it was gone. I think as long as I feel this way then it must mean what I received is a good thing. Obviously missing something is a compliment to that something we are missing. Because it means that it mattered to us.

My questioning brain would have me going over this with a fine toothed comb. I know it’s her job but could she have just sent a quick email to check in? Then also going over the possibility of how I was just kind of paying someone to be my friend and support me. Something that, in my head, a family member or friend should be able to fill that void. Then my brain can take it even further. Why am I not enough for a family member to be there for me and check on me, then I wouldn’t need to pay someone to be there for me.

Yes, I am glad that I don’t need to go to therapy anymore. My therapist was very awesome and I don’t have a bad thing to say about her services. I believe therapists are busy and obviously they can’t become friends with their patients.

This post wasn’t to bash therapists or anything like that. It’s more of exploring the depths of my mind and hoping to realize the possible reasons behind my emotions. I would probably bet on that I have some abandonment issues from childhood that come alive when I feel like someone is not attentive and seems not to care. I believe time heals all wounds and the more time that passes the less it will hurt. I couldn’t continue to go forever. For one, someone else needs her services now, where as I just wanted them. For two, it was way too expensive for something that wasn’t absolutely needed anymore.

So yes, I am glad that I no longer feel like I need to see a therapist at this point. It pains me to have to go, but all of the things that were accomplished in the years that I went are amazing to me.

Thank you for reading.

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

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::Given Up on Weight Loss

I hate to admit this, I really do; but I seem to have completely given up on losing weight. I still want to lose weight and be a healthier version of myself, but most of my motivation is gone. I really wish I understood what goes on in my head but I don’t completely.

Up until a couple weeks ago, I was doing really well. Losing pretty consistently and just sticking to my own rules pretty much. But a weekend came where we were going to a gender reveal at a bar and I had gone out planning to be really good and not eating too much bad stuff. Which I didn’t, but I did have about 4 or maybe even 5 beers. I must admit that that is pretty good for me because I have a problem with self control, especially when it comes to drinking in socially tasking situations. So it was a win that I didn’t get super wasted to mask my social anxiety. But it was a lose that I even drank the beer and ditched my original plan. I am the type of person that likes to have a plan and follow it, when I don’t it just makes me feel bad.

So there was my first real issue. My second is that I just am not feeling the whole counting calories thing. I was at first and it’s not like I think badly about it, but I get really inquisitive about my choices sometimes and just kind of internally criticize myself. Like, ohhh I can’t even eat correctly without counting my calories. Why?? What is wrong with me? Can’t I just get it together? I even know that it is awful to think that way and at the same time I can’t help it.

Also, I mentioned in an earlier post that I was seeing a nutritionist and it was going good and I was losing weight. Now I have hit a wall where I just don’t want to go. There is a little bit more internal criticism here. Like, am I really so lonely in life that I have to pay someone to be there for me? Why can’t I have anyone as a support person in my life? How can I be wasting that much money on a nutritionist for myself when I could spend it on fun things to do with my family or even on myself! The thing is, I would drive about 30 minutes once a week to see her. I go in, she asks me how the week has been and I say pretty good, I get weighed, and then that’s it. I didn’t ever have any questions, pretty much like I know what I should be doing I just have a hard time executing it. But I can’t see a reason to keep seeing the nutritionist. Feels like another thing I have tried and failed.

I want to mention that it’s like I am eternally looking for a big beautiful unicorn to whisk me away into my perfect life! Almost everything I do I feel like, there’s gotta be a better way. So, in this sense, I am always looking for that perfect program to keep me motivated and help me to reach my goals. Being it a certain way of eating or way of working out. I am always wondering will this be the one.

I stayed pretty consistently good at my workouts. I was doing Figure 8 Fitness up until 2 days ago. The workout calendar has 2 months on it and I finished the whole first month. I am proud of that, but I believe it said to work on the first month until you reach your weight goal and then do the second month to tone. I have not reached my weight goal so I do want to do the first month again but I also feel like it’s not worth it to do it if I can’t get it together with eating right again.

I put a lot of pressure on myself because I want everything so so. That being said, it makes me feel worse when I totally fall apart so then it seems everything falls apart. So where I am at in my quest for health is, I am still searching for my next move. Wish me luck.

Thank you so much for reading.

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

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::For Life

I feel like maybe I should put a Trigger Warning here. Trigger Warning due to infant loss and miscarriage.

I am going to write my feelings on this very controversial topic. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me but I hope that it might make people think. This is my experience through a pregnancy where I was offered an abortion multiple times.

In 2015 I ended up getting pregnant and was pretty excited for it. My husband and I was looking to buy a house and just get on with our lives as a family of 3. Everything seemed okay, I went to the doctor appointments as I was supposed to but decided to just wait for the halfway mark for our first ultrasound since that was the norm with having a midwife anyway. I just wanted to be as natural as possible.

Then everything changed. We went in for our ultrasound and after going over the baby the technician got very quiet. At one point she left the room and I can remember thinking, something is wrong. I had been through a “something is wrong” moment before 2 years prior when we suffered a miscarriage, so it may have been my mother’s intuition kicking in or something, but in the end I was right. Something was wrong. The baby’s heart wasn’t growing properly. They immediately got us in with a high risk OBGYN and we went to the hospital for more ultrasounds.

At the hospital we just got the gist of the bad news. Our baby’s heart wasn’t growing correctly, as I mentioned. We were offered the choice of abortion so that, if we wanted, we could try to have a different baby right away. The whole situation absolutely devastated us, but the offer blindsided us as well because it was a hospital with religious affiliation in the name. So the offer of an abortion was surprising. There was no way. We witnessed this baby moving on the monitor, heard the baby’s heartbeat; but most importantly, we loved this baby so much already. Life with or without this baby was not a choice for us to make.

I say “the baby” because my husband and I made the decision to not find out if any of our babies were boys or girls; so when our decisions were made, our baby was just our baby. No boy or girl identity. Just love and spirit.

Pregnancy made me feel sick, and so tired. Out of breath, and after the diagnosis I was heartbroken. I didn’t want my baby to have a hard life ahead of him or her. I felt so alone. My support system was lacking, I had no one but my husband it felt like. I was so scared that I would have to live without my baby.

The hospital had me coming in every week, pretty much. They were monitoring the baby’s heart. My husband had to work but I didn’t have to go through all of it alone. I had my baby. To and from the hospital I would just sing to my baby and I felt so bonded. There was talk of surgeries that they could do on hearts and a lot of people have had successes with it, so not all hope was lost.

More problems were added to the list, like kidney problems. After the birth there were so many problems on the board that I, the mother, can’t even remember all of them and would have to look. They don’t matter now, all that matters is the moments of bonding that I had with my little growing baby.

Throughout the pregnancy we were offered an abortion as if it was some sort of courtesy. It wasn’t appreciated by us. This little soul was meant to be cherished for as long as possible.

We will jump ahead now to the outcome of this pregnancy. We had to travel a couple of hours away to the Children’s Hospital so that the baby could be looked at to be decided if surgery could help. I got induced 4 days before the due date because it was around Christmas time. It was a long process but not lots of physical pain during the birthing process, I will make a different post about the whole thing someday since that is not really my point today. But I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was 9 pounds 6 ounces and just looked like a big beautiful, perfect baby to me, and others too. People would comment on how surprising it was to have such a big healthy looking baby be in the NICU…and then later in a casket. I held him for maybe one minute. Then they had to take him away to give him oxygen. How devastating to be a new mom and have your baby taken away, being left with nothing but wonder and a breast pump.

I locked eyes with him in that minute and it was the last time I saw his eyes. After Christmas, when all of the doctors were back in from the holidays, they recommended that we don’t do any surgeries because he wouldn’t make it through. He had already had some heart surgery to get him to that point. So after 8 days of being in the NICU with him not conscious, we held our baby as the machines were taken off and he drifted away. His little broken heart broke our hearts but also made them swell with love at the same time.

Some parts I can go over and over in my head, wishing that somehow it could have been different. But I will never ever regret the 9 months that I got to bond and talk and sing with my baby boy. I knew his soul and he new mine. Part of me thinks that if I could have kept him in there forever, to be safe and warm, then I would have. But then I wouldn’t have my amazing kids now.

I love him so much. I truly feel blessed for the experience. I know I am a better person and mom for it. Just meeting him for a minute was worth it. I saw him and I knew what love was. I wanted nothing more than to help him get better so that he could stay with me. But that wasn’t possible. So now I live every day missing him but thanking God for the time that we had, singing in the car.

Thank you for reading.

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

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::Social Anxiety

My whole life I have been cursed with social anxiety. I didn’t know or realize this until I was well into adulthood and started having panic attacks. Since 2018 I have been managing panic attacks pretty well and haven’t really had one in months. But, social anxiety curses me almost every time I go out into the world and interact with humans that I do not know.

Very recently I made the decision that I was going to start taking my 2.5 year old son to fun kid groups so that he could start learning how to interact with children his own age. Yesterday we went to our first Story Time at the library and he did have so much fun and was the last kid to leave, I am sure that will become our default. But for me, I had a very difficult time socializing with the other adults. In the moment I can keep it together okay, sometimes I can’t find something to say and blurt out something I would deem weird, but it probably doesn’t come off as THAT weird, I’m hoping.

I also went to sign up my boy for the YMCA so we could take a program through them. I will probably make a post all about it when we get there, it doesn’t start for a few weeks. But there was a mom there that had a toddler boy and a car seat with a baby. We were walking out at the same time, I held the door for her. Still when I think about it I am just criticizing myself with such weird thoughts. Here are some examples: Wow, it sure was awkward how I held that door for them. I should have done it “this” way. She probably thought I was a weirdo, I kind of hope that if we cross paths again she won’t remember how weird I am.

Usually when I meet a new person I feel very unworthy of friendship with them. They might look like they’re just too cool for me. Why would such a cool person want to be friends with me? Some people have so many friends already and I don’t want to be a burden of another friendship for them or feel like I will have too much time to give while they won’t and it might end up hurting my fragile feelings. I really do have very fragile feelings. After almost any type of social situation, I get a ringing sadness that just doesn’t let up until my shame of being so unworthy subsides. So mostly, I don’t even try to get deep friendships.

I do have friends, they are just childhood friends that are not at the same place as me in life and most of them don’t even want kids. Plus they live 2 hours away. So as I do talk to my bestie pretty much every day, it is very different then the Mom Friend I am craving to just get to hang out with, watch our kids play and grow together, and just be close with.

Maybe as we get used to going to these kid groups things will get easier. That is pretty much how I got rid of my panic attacks. By diving into the situations that gave me them and doing it over and over again until I didn’t feel like I was dying anymore. And for all of the other people out there that secretly feel like this with me, I wish I could be all of your friends and make you feel cherished.

Thanks for reading.

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

If you enjoyed my post then please hit the like button and give me a follow if you would like to see more from me.

::Breastfeeding

I have had a long breastfeeding journey, considering I have been at it since June of 2017. It hasn’t always been easy and sometimes it isn’t the super magical, lovey dovey experience everyone imagines. But most of the time it is. Haha. There’s so many benefits to breastfeeding but I understand that sometimes it can be a rough road to the riches! So here’s my experience.

Throughout all of my pregnancies I put formula feeding out of my mind. It wasn’t an option I was willing to consider. On top of all of the information about how much healthier breastfeeding is, I just couldn’t come to terms with the price of formula! But admittedly I do breastfeed firstly for the health benefits. My initial mindset of formula isn’t an option really helped me through, though! Another big reason was because of teeth and mouth structure. Before I got braces as a kid, my teeth were whack. I am hoping that the breast will save my kids from that.

After I had my son there was no question, I was breastfeeding. So, in the hospital they had the lactation consultants come around every day just giving tips on how to get the baby to latch and checking everything out. I don’t even remember how that went, honestly. I was one of those people that just want to go home asap. So the day after having him they let me go home. A week later I had a bad infection and had to go back for a little hospital stay.

During all of that and for the first couple of months of breastfeeding it hurt so bad. I was waking up in the night to feed him just crying my eyes out. Squeezing my eyes shut in pain every time he tried nursing. My nipples were cracked, bleeding, bruised. Everything hurt. I went into the lactation consultants so many times, I am sure it was twice a week sometimes. For awhile I just assumed that this was the way it was and women just suffer through it. Was I wrong, it isn’t supposed to hurt like that after you get used to it! It felt like my son was chewing on my breast to get the milk out instead of what he was supposed to be doing. I had to resort to nipple shields and sometimes pumping and trying a bottle, he didn’t really care for it so I tried so many different kinds! But for me pumping was too annoying because I sat there pumping, staring at him, like can’t we just take out the middle-man (the pump).

Finally at a meeting with one of the lactation consultants she brought up tongue and lip tie. Literally changed everything. She recommended that I go to a pediatric dentist, which I didn’t even know that was a thing. So I made an appointment and took him in.

So a lip tie is, when you flip your lip up, it’s the little flappy thing connecting your lip to your gum. A tongue tie is the little thing connecting your tongue to the bottom of your mouth. You can google it, I have a million times haha.

I took my son into the pediatric dentist office and, lo and behold, he had this tongue and lip tie. They had the consultation and revision all that day, thank God, because then we could instantly breastfeed better. They took him out of the room and lasered those flaps off, the nurse that had it done for herself as an adult said that it burns kind of like if you were to burn your tongue on pizza.

After the revision they brought him back in and, not going to lie, it looked scary and I felt bad for my crying baby. They gave me a list of stretches that I was to do every 2 hours, I believe, and for less time as it healed. Pretty much flip the lip up and push up the tongue so that it doesn’t grow back. And yes, my son would cry and get so upset during these stretches. But I am not lying when I say that they brought him back in the room and he instantly could breastfeed so much better.

Everything is great now, and he is not scarred for life from the stretches. I am 100 percent glad that we got that procedure done.

Now we can move on to his baby sister. She came out, and by this time my nipples can take anything and she is so tiny that she isn’t really hurting me when she is feeding. But she isn’t gaining weight good so I look around and am like, GIRL! I see your tongue tie. So I take her in for the same procedure. And the same things happen, except I feel way less guilty about it and I got it done so quick with her. I do know that I didn’t keep up on her stretches as well and her tongue may be a little tied still, but she is gaining weight fine and that is what matters for me. Plus, I am not for sure.

So there is part of my experience with breastfeeding and tongue tie. Everything now seems to be going easy breezy. I am still breastfeeding both children. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I get irritated with it. That’s just motherhood for ya. Definitely not all rainbows and butterflies, but mostly!

Thanks for reading!

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

If you enjoyed my post then please hit the like button and give me a follow if you would like to see more from me.

::My Weight Over the Holidays

Finally the holidays are behind us! As much as I enjoy Christmas and all of the festivities, it can be super rough trying to keep on track when you are trying to figure out how to eat right.

In my first post, I mentioned that I would be seeing a nutritionist weekly. So every Thursday afternoon, I have been making my way in to be weighed. And to be honest, I have been killing it! My very first weigh in I believe was 195 pounds. My last weigh in was 178.4. That is in a little over ONE month! Super stoked on that. The only thing that has put a disturbance in the force is this week!!! More on that in a bit.

The things that I have been doing that have been working for me is I have been eating soooo many vegetables. I get them frozen, it’s just easier for me to know I will have enough. I’ll usually put eggs on them for a little saucy flavor and it’s great. Still intermittent fasting, too.

I also started a new workout program. I bought Figure 8 Fitness at the very beginning and am on the fourth week of that. I love love love it. So much fun, and along with losing weight and gaining muscles, it also helps work on coordination. Now, I haven’t been doing yoga as planned just because life has been getting in the way of that. Hopefully I will be able to ease into it. I am thinking of maybe using my recovery day every week for yoga.

This last week, I got my monthly friend and I also jumped off the clean eating train; hopped right off. So I am trying to give myself some grace and not stress it too much. Life happens, right? I really let my hydration go too. I’m still doing great on my workouts and am getting back on that train TODAY! My nutritionist gave me some good tips to get back on track and said not too worry, so I am not going to worry! Even if I gain a pound this week or something, I have still done pretty amazing in a month.

So that is where I am at with losing weight. Hopefully, I can post a little more often now that the busy holidays and running around everywhere is over. Thanks for reading!

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

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Co-Sleeping (My Experience)

At an appointment with my therapist a few weeks ago, I was telling her about a conversation that I had with my husband. I had said to him that I enjoy having the kids in bed with me and that a lot of the time I sleep with my baby daughter, snuggled up to my face, and I reach around with one of my arms and grab on tight to one of my toddler son’s ankles or arms. I started to cry while I was talking, so I then told her I have no idea why I am crying over this; but I continued to tell her that my husband had called our sleeping arrangement “weird”. And after he called it weird, I then had a big mind-blown, epiphany of realization, that it was in fact “weird” the way I cling onto my kids in the night.

My therapist then told me that she thought it may be a little PTSD from losing my first born son. Here was another one of those mind-blowing moments. I know that in society these days, a lot of people are all about getting rid of labels. But I appreciate them. Once she labeled me with that it was like a little bit of weight came off of my shoulders. There is a why! I am not just weird and overbearing! This can make sense!

I’m not going to say co-sleeping is the way to go or it isn’t dangerous. It can be dangerous if you aren’t cautious. Sometimes I don’t even want to co-sleep but I don’t know what else to do. Especially while my husband works the night shift. I’ve moved there beds into my room, but nope, they are still right by my side.

Another thing that kind of takes hold of my anxiety and runs with it is just being a child that grew up in the “America’s Most Wanted” decade. As kids, we would watch that show literally before bedtime. I am a “What If-er”, awful I know. But I think to myself, what if someone sneaks in at night and takes my kids. There are no words to describe the impact of that and I can’t help but think about it. Those pressing thoughts seep into everyday life, as well.

The last little topic that I am going to touch on ties into the watching “America’s Most Wanted” a little bit. Watching stuff like that as a child was worrisome. But on top of that, my mother let us kids watch scary movies at way too young of an age. I love her and miss her dearly (she passed when I was a young teen). But I do not agree with her decision to let us watch scary movies so young. I have become some what of an irrational adult sometimes and there are parts of some horror movies that still “haunt me” to this day. It didn’t help that we lived at my grammy’s house half of the time. The reason that it didn’t help is because, in my room were the porcelain dolls we got for Christmas every year. They terrified me, and they just loomed over my bed; watching me sleep. So, as a kid, I was terrified of bedtime myself. And maybe still am a little bit.

My experience with co-sleeping isn’t bad. I do enjoy it. But, I would like to sleep with my husband sometimes. He sleeps in a different room right now. Although, at the moment it doesn’t matter because he works nights. I would like to not be afraid of something that most likely won’t happen.

Co-sleeping. Is it instinctual, is it the right thing for the kids? Is it the wrong thing for the kids? Is it a loving, happy, cozy time? Am I setting them up to be fearful themselves? I don’t know the answers to all of that. Probably all of the above. I think we should all just do what we feel we must, without judgment. But, in this moment, co-sleeping is this mama’s attempt at coping and feeling safe.

Thanks for reading!

::Vanilla.Ling.Ling.

If you enjoyed my post then please hit the like button and give me a follow if you would like to see more from me.

Disclaimer: I do not recommend co-sleeping. Just sharing my experience with coping through co-sleeping.